Thursday, April 3, 2008

Louisville Determines National Championship

Greetings again from the Sober Brewer's prediction department. Trust me, we will return to beer related topics, but this is too important a time in collegiate athletics to not make our final picks for the NCAA National Championship basketball game. And we know that you have been waiting with bated breath for the omnipotent authority which is the Sober Brewer, so that you can with confidence spout off at the water cooler, the check out line or the county drunk tank about who will win it all.

Our picks will be based on the winning teams proximity to the center of the known beer universe. The place that spawned such iconic personalities as Larry Birkhead and Roscoe P. Coltrane. The epicenter of fried chicken and brine trucks, and the final resting place of that great American hero, Barbaro, you know... the horse... whom I'm sure read all the get well cards we sent to him. Yes, the cultural mecca of the Appalachians... Louisville, KY.

Hey, you got a better method? Put it on you own damn blog. Jerk!

Let's take the UNC vs. Kansas first:

The University of North Carolina Hansblowers = 511 miles from Louisville
The University of Kansas Toucans = 553 miles from Louisville
The winner is North Carolina squeaking in at the buzzer by only 42 miles.

As for UCLA vs. Memphis:

The University of California Los Angeles Bruins = 2107 miles from Louisville

Memphis University Tigers = 404 miles from Louisville
The winner is Memphis in a rout by like, a million miles (do your own math).

And the national championship goes to the Memphis Tigers who received the heart of a champion from David Pagett, (Jewish Hospital doing the procedure) making Roy "deputy dog" Williams lament his decision to abandon him at that drafty old barn which is Allen Fieldhouse.

Hey Roy the jerkstore called, they're running out of you!

When did this blog stop making sense?
the Sober Brewer.
Jerry Gnagy


Sam said...

thank you.

Sam said...

god forsaken blog page, cant even finish a thought without this thing going haywire. anyways, that was the funniest thing ive ever seen. hannsblowers....... :)

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