Thursday, March 20, 2008

The Sober Brewer's Indubitable Bracket

It's that time of year again, spring is in the air, potholes are abundant and brine trucks are parked all snug in their spots for another season. Oh, and we have the hoops, the roundball, the hardwood, irrational hope and the indigestion of defeat, yes it's March madness and we here at the Sober Brewer Institute of Oddsmaking are here, ready to put the "biscuit in the basket" so to speak, for you. So get your cold, hard cash dollars, rubles, rupees, loonies or krugerrand ready to lay down on our "locks of the eternity." Are you ready? Are you excited/pumped/aroused? Well, lets do it anyway!

Our first upset pick in the first round is the 2 seed Tennessee to be upset by the 15 seed American. You might be asking, How? Why? Are you a lunatic? Do these pants go with this shirt? Well let me ask you a question. Who do you think YOU are? Jeremiah Wright? Barak O'bama? What have you got against America huh? Love it or leave it man! USA! USA! USA! nuff said.

Our second first round pick is the 4 seed Pittsburgh to knock off the 13 seed Oral Roberts. I had a vision last night that if Oral Roberts did not win, God would "call him home." Unfortunately for Mr. Roberts, I'm still going with Pitt on this one. Come on, the dude is like 90 years old, win or lose he could be "called home" at anytime.

Now let's focus our attention on the Wildcats, but which Wildcats are we picking/jinxing? I pick the Wildcats from a Southern conference, who have had an undefeated conference record in their past, whose coach's first name starts with a B and whose arena is named in honor of a famous faculty member... that's right, I'm picking the Davidson Wildcats. Psych, Kentucky fans, Ha Ha. Seriously now, I am picking the Wildcats who squeaked into the tournament with an 11 seed, whose first year coach had some rough patches early on but finished third in their conference during the regular season, then was upset in their first conference tournament game. The name of this team starts with the letter K (OMG the anticipation must be unbearable). The Sober Brewer is fully invested in the Kansas State Wildcats!!

We also pick the Arizona Wildcats to destroy the evil Boob Hugginses, who I'm sure will be sweating out all his moonshine and ramp jelly (ewww stinky).

Oh and by the way, sorry Kentucky, you lose.

Now here's our picks for who will be in the Sweet Sixteen:

In the East: UNC, Louisville, American (USA! USA!) and Washington St.

In the Midwest: Kansas, Vanderbilt, Kansas St. and Davidson

In the South: Memphis, Pitt, Stanford and Texas

In the West: UCLA, Western KY, Xavier, and Arizona

There it is folks, The Sober Brewer's "Locks of the Eternity" lay down your life savings with complete confidence. Cameron will reimburse any losses you might incur (he is making out like a bandit as a mystery shopper).

And as always, never trust The Sober Brewer
Jerry Gnagy