Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Top Ten Australian Beer Commercials

With derby week upon us and the loss of Cameron to Cumberland Brews (Tribute video coming soon), I have been too busy to update the blog with any original content. So I scoured the youtube library and found a montage of some great Australian beer commercials. Eat your heart out Anheuser-Busch these are much better than the frogs, lizards and Turd Ferguson. I hope you enjoy.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

The Sober Brewer Tips His Glass to Sam Adams

It was recently announced that some Sam Adams bottles from its Cincinnati brewery may contain small bits of glass. In light of this development we have learned that Sam Adams has kicked off a new ad campaign featuring former Philadelphia Eagles all-pro linebacker and current actor, Tim Rossovich to be their spokesman. Rossovich was not only known for his fearless play on the football field and his cameos in Knight Rider and the A-Team, but he is also infamous for pulling crazy stunts. Rossovich liked to show the public how tough he was by eating beer mugs and and light bulbs. When asked for comment by the Sober Brewer, Sam Adams replied, "It was a perfect fit for our new product line, if we can show through Tim that ingesting glass is cool and hip, then possibly we can turn our gross incompetence into a net positive. It worked for Anna Nicole Smith...well, before she died." The Sober Brewer was not able to contact Rossovich directly and his agent declined to comment on the Sam Adams partnership, but did say, "Did you know that Mr. Rossovich was Tom Selleck's roommate, and they're still really close, I mean they talk like, every other day...isn't that cool?" He also added that Tim Rossovich was the most noteworthy celebrity attending derby this year.

This was disappointing news to us here at Bluegrass Brewing Co. We were in the process of developing a mug of fiberglass insulation soaked with beer. The purpose of which was to keep the beer cold for longer periods of time. But now that Sam Adams has beaten us to the punch, we are abandoning the program so as not to appear as copycats.

never trust The Sober Brewer
Jerry Gnagy

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Louisville Determines National Championship

Greetings again from the Sober Brewer's prediction department. Trust me, we will return to beer related topics, but this is too important a time in collegiate athletics to not make our final picks for the NCAA National Championship basketball game. And we know that you have been waiting with bated breath for the omnipotent authority which is the Sober Brewer, so that you can with confidence spout off at the water cooler, the check out line or the county drunk tank about who will win it all.

Our picks will be based on the winning teams proximity to the center of the known beer universe. The place that spawned such iconic personalities as Larry Birkhead and Roscoe P. Coltrane. The epicenter of fried chicken and brine trucks, and the final resting place of that great American hero, Barbaro, you know... the horse... whom I'm sure read all the get well cards we sent to him. Yes, the cultural mecca of the Appalachians... Louisville, KY.

Hey, you got a better method? Put it on you own damn blog. Jerk!

Let's take the UNC vs. Kansas first:

The University of North Carolina Hansblowers = 511 miles from Louisville
The University of Kansas Toucans = 553 miles from Louisville
The winner is North Carolina squeaking in at the buzzer by only 42 miles.

As for UCLA vs. Memphis:

The University of California Los Angeles Bruins = 2107 miles from Louisville

Memphis University Tigers = 404 miles from Louisville
The winner is Memphis in a rout by like, a million miles (do your own math).

And the national championship goes to the Memphis Tigers who received the heart of a champion from David Pagett, (Jewish Hospital doing the procedure) making Roy "deputy dog" Williams lament his decision to abandon him at that drafty old barn which is Allen Fieldhouse.

Hey Roy the jerkstore called, they're running out of you!

When did this blog stop making sense?
the Sober Brewer.
Jerry Gnagy